GRACIE

Because of some new friends and friends of our family I'm going to give you a brief glimpse into Gracie's life and how she joined our family.

Back in 2006 we had our paperwork logged into China to adopt a healthy infant.  Every few months a list of children with special needs was sent by email to those in the China program.  At first we were convinced a healthy child would fit better into our family--little did we know that God had a very different plan for our family!  After a couple of months of waiting, we decided to take a peek at that list and fell in love with a few faces.  Knowing we have private pay insurance, we determined we couldn't adopt a child with a health issue that would require a lot of hospital stays and surgeries, so we looked at children with facial deformities and missing limbs.  We were convince a little girl was indeed ours so we put our name in for her.  She wasn't.  And we were crushed!  But then...

Bethany Christian Services had us on their radar that we would consider a child with special needs.  In October of 2006 I received an email that talked of a woman in St. Louis who was going to give birth to a baby girl with Heterotaxy Syndrome, a rare defect that places the bodies organs on opposite sides of the body, mainly affecting the heart.  She would require 3 surgeries and lead a mostly normal life.  Chills went through my body as I knew this was going to be our daughter.  You see, I am a birthmom who released my child for adoption--that was the one issue I had with international adoption--I would never get to share my experience with my child's birthmom.  I understand what she is going through, wanting to give her child the best life possible.  Our family spent Thanksgiving of 2006 with our daughter's birthmom, beginning this adventure, falling in love with a child yet to take her first breath.

December 17, 2006, our lives completely flipped upside down.  We became parents to our fourth child, a sweet, precious 5 pound bundle of joy who had a very, very sick heart.  Gracie was born not breathing, immediately she was intubated.  We drove our separate cars to St. Louis, hoping we would arrive to a live child.  We did!!  Early that afternoon we laid our eyes on the most beautiful sight--a perfect tiny baby with a headful of black hair, covered in tubes and wires, beeps and alarms filling the room, a beautiful mom in the corner waiting.  Sweet, sweet Gracie Yan.

I became settled in St. Louis, waiting for the day that we could bring Gracie home.  Those days turned into weeks, which turned into months.  When Gracie was three months old, after several heart surgeries, a belly surgery, and a host of procedures, she was stable enough to take her first jet ride to the Mayo Clinic.  Once at Mayo we received the devastating news once again that she was a very, very sick little girl.  Already she had endured several surgeries (4 heart and 1 belly), she had been resuscitated several times, her heart anatomy was so inadequate.  They would need to operate again and SOON.  We were able to take her home for 10 days to love on her, give her body a much needed break from medicines and operations.  Looking back, when we talk to doctors and specialists, we realize that in itself was a miracle.  She had been on the ventilator for 3 months, yet here she was breathing on her own with oxygen saturations of 70 and drinking from a bottle, very little but she was sucking and swallowing on her own.  Already, we had nicknamed her AMAZING GRACIE!

Frightened completely, we brought her back to St. Mary's Hospital of the Mayo Clinic, with all odds stacked up against her to open her heart for an extremely high risk operation.  It was awful.  After 16 hours we finally met with the surgeon, who deemed the surgery unsuccessful.  He opened some arteries, but he couldn't fix her AV valve.  She was hooked up to ECMO--complete life support.  While in St. Louis, I met several other families who had children hooked up to ECMO--none of them survived.  So, you can imagine my fear when my sweet little girl, chest wide open, swollen so badly her intestines had to be opened up and let out of her body, was lying there on ECMO.  It was doubtful she would live through the night.

But God...

Gracie's surgeon told us he wanted to give her heart a week to rest.  The following week, Gracie went back to the ER to see if the valve was working.  She was in surgery several hours as he tried to repair her heart--on and off bypass, too much time had passed.  I called Curtis after hearing the doctor was ready to meet--had a horrible feeling about what I was about to hear.  And rightly so.  Gracie's surgeon said the surgery was unsuccessful and there was nothing more he could do.  We made the decision no parents should ever have to make--no not resuscitate.  ECMO would be taken off in two days, giving our children time to say "good-bye for now" and give our family some closure. 

March 16, 2007--the day determined to be Gracie's last day on earth.  After a night of weeping and praying, we went to the hospital.  Curtis and I had prayed for lots of things--comfort, for our children's sadness, for Gracie to feel no pain.  Our kids had prayed for one thing--a miracle.  Doctors unhooked ECMO, kids said "good-bye", Curtis and I were left in the room with Gracie and a huge cardiac team.  I was getting impatient, wanting to hold my baby one last time.  Finally, I asked.  Gracie's compassionate, kind surgeon said, "Her heart is beating on its own.  You won't be holding Gracie today."  as tears filled his eyes.  Just two days earlier, he told us "The only way your baby will live is if God performs a miracle."  A miracle is what we witnessed, right there in Rochester, MN!! 

After one month, we were able to bring Gracie home and actually since then, she has had only one more heart surgery, bringing her grand total to 8, not including several heart catheters.  She has only spent 20 nights or so in the hospital since April 9 of 2007, which is amazing.  She has done extremely well until the past six months or so.

Gracie has always been living with very low oxygen saturations, giving her a bluish color and tiring her out quite quickly.  She doesn't have a lot of stamina.  We have always know she would need another surgery--she actually has went a lot longer without it than anyone thought she would.  On Tuesday, she will be having a Fenestrated Fontan placed to reroute some bloodflow.  This surgery has been very controversial for her and is very high-risk for her anatomy.  It is not a good fit for her heart and we know that.  There just isn't a good fit for her heart, yet she needs something done.  Again, God is going to have to show up and do His thing in her heart.  We go into this surgery with some grim statistics for her and some gloomy outcomes, yet God...WE KNOW ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!!  We have seen Him work, we have witnessed His miracles and we know that He has Gracie's days already written.  He promises us that in Psalm 139.  Man thought her last day would be in February of 2007, then February again of 2007, then March 16, 2007.  Well, she's still here and she's still amazing!!

Although we know all of this, our hearts are burdened.  He may take her home.  I can't imagine the thought, but my mind goes there often.  She lights up our lives.  She's completely wonderful--perfectly designed by Him for such a purpose.  She has us ALL wrapped around her little fingers, she speaks we listen.  She wants, she gets.  She loves like crazy--full of hugs and kisses.  She prays.  She laughs lots, colors lots of pictures, gets really, really silly, dreams big, talks a mile a minute, loves chocolate and candy, wears a crown constantly, makes the most out of each day!  Each of her brothers and sisters have a special relationship with her--Derek--oh, how she loves Derek!!  For quite some time, I'm convinced she thought she had 3 parents--he is smitten with her and she with him.  She makes him at least 10 pictures a day, wants to call him every time she does anything!  She even calls him "daddy".  I thought having our kids spaced out so far would mean they wouldn't be as close--it is just the opposite!  These two are two peas in a pod!!  Connor--he makes her laugh, he gives her anything she wants, he is patient, and kind, and loving.  Every day she asks when Connor is coming home--she gets into his stuff--he doesn't care.  Sweet, sweet, sweet.  Breuklyn--she's the big sister!!  She spends so much time with Gracie, the best babysitter ever!  So often Gracie gets these awful headaches and foot pain--it's tough to be on call when this happens.  It breaks Breuklyn's heart.  Breuklyn is so tender with her, she gets so excited when Breuklyn will play with her!!  Selah is Gracie's playmate--and patient she is!!  Sweet Selah will play for hours on end, and Gracie is always the boss.  Gracie can hardly stand it at home with me when all of the kids are in school--she misses them so!! 

As you can imagine, this is a difficult time for our ENTIRE FAMILY.  Gracie is such an inspiration to all of us, she is so much life in this family.  When she hurts, we hurt.  When she's scared, we're scared.  The good thing...when her heart feels better, so will ours.  When she laughs, we laugh.  When she acts silly, so do we!  Praying for healing, laughter, silliness, and HOME!

Lots and lots of love from our home to yours!!

The Opps